I have always felt ashamed for the things I do not know. Guilty of the information I should know, but simply do not. I've been embarrassed by the facts I never absorbed while in high school (because I was too busy sleeping in the back of the room) and just plain stupid for the common knowledge that I lack. Most of all, I was sad. Sad that I could think of no way to gain this knowledge without, first, being judged, shamed or ridiculed.
I am Naive.
I am not stupid, nor should I feel embarrassed of what I don't know. I am naive. Okay, maybe I didn't pay as much attention as I should have during American History, or Literature, or Social Studies.. but fuck that! I was fucking 16 years old. I didn't give a shit about anything other then hanging out with my friends and what new song my favorite band put out. Does that make me a bad person? No. Can I admit that I have no freaking clue how a lot of shit works, yes I can. Am I embarrassed by that fact, yes. Do I want to learn as much as I can about it now? Yes please! Because I am naive.
I realized today, that maybe my naivety is a blessing. I'm 23 years old. I've gained some sense of self, I feel I know who I am, or who I want to be. I have the chance to obtain this knowledge now already prepared to make decisions about what I want to do with it. This information will have a purpose. And I will listen hungrily, soaking up every bit of information I can. Because I am naive.
But wait, does my naivety fool me? I've lived 23 years piecing together information as I've gone along, filling in the blanks with biased materials like (shudder) the Media and, even worse, my parents (gasp!) Can I ever get this all straight? Will my mind ever be pure again!? One can only hope. I guess this may be harder than I thought.
I am sure my teachers will be patient with me. They'll feel empowered, being able to correct all my misinformation. They'll feel heroic even, setting me on the right path, showing me the ins and outs of this great big world. A new surge of stimulation will take over them. How exciting to engage with someone who hasn't heard it all already. They will celebrate the opportunity to educate, it will renew their own love of wisdom and knowledge within themselves.Because I am naive.
Rejoice! I no longer feel ashamed! I no longer feel guilty. I no longer have to pretend that I am someone I am not. I can be myself, and not have to fear judgement or blame. I can accept my naivety. It is not all my fault. I am not stupid. I can embrace my naivety. I can ask questions with true wonder and curiously. I can listen intently to those who are wiser in the areas I am not. Maybe I could teach them something they may not know, or even, teach them about themselves. Oh, how wonderful my wonder could be. How exciting, how uplifting! What a magical journey, sharing my naivety with those who have lost theirs.
So please, show patience with me. I may ask a lot of questions. Because I am naive, and that's okay.